For a number of different reasons, there are young ladies who never had anyone sit them down and talk to them about what makes a good man/what sort of man they should allow to pursue them or that they should be with. All too often they are left to figure it out on their own and have their view shaped by their own tender minds, their peers and/or the media. Sometimes this works out, but we all know that they’re a great number of cases where this doesn’t produce good results. So in this post, I’m going to try to offer some pointers on what I think makes a good man, to try to help plug that gap. Don’t see it as a complete list, but rather see it some descriptions.
Christians shouldn’t just want a good man, but a godly man. We’re called to not become one with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), so first things first, be confident that he’s a Christian. If you’re Christian yourself, you’ll know how to tell this and it’s wise to do so before you accept his pursuit, or even consider being more than friends with him. Now, this doesn’t mean he won’t have habitual struggles with sin, or even that he won’t be spiritually immature in different areas. Infact you can rest assure that he will; because saved doesn’t mean perfect; just forgiven and a work in progress. What it does mean however is that he’ll understand what it means to know Jesus, he’ll be sure who Jesus is, He’ll willingly serve Jesus and there will be fruit of his relationship with God. Sometimes a man is Christian and in dark season in His life where it’s very hard for those who aren’t close to him to be confident in his relationship with God. If you fall into that group of people, it doesn’t make you ungracious or judgemental. Go with what YOU can be confident in and if YOU can’t be confident that He’s saved, then he’s either not the man for you, or now isn’t the time. Every Christian has to serve God in their own faith, with their own hearts and with their own minds.
Has a High View of Women
It’s imperative that he be respectful of women. Regardless of what is the norm in society today, he shouldn’t glorify the degrading of women, whether they consent to it or not. This isn’t just a gentleman thing to do, but Christian are called to respect all people (1 Peter 2:17). Watch how he treats other women in his life generally, including those who are strangers to him. You want a man who is willing to be respectful of others and who realizes that women are different from men and so warrant a different type of treatment. This doesn’t mean he’ll never be disrespectful, but he ought to have a common tone of respect for women, as well as people in general.
Respectful of Authority and Elders
How a man responds to authority and elders (whether he knows them well or not), reflects his humility. Everyone has someone whom they need to answer to or take the lower step with, regardless of I they feel like it or not. See that he can accept this and doesn’t insist that no one can ever tell him what to do or make rules for him to follow. He should be able to take reasonable correction and instruction from those in positions above his, without having an attitude about it; or at least be able to express his disagreement appropriately. This will reflect his humility.
Has a High View of Manhood
A key difference between a man and a boy, is a man is intentional while a boy just coasts along. A man strives, a boy just sees how it goes. A man lives in today, but builds for tomorrow; a boy is content having fun today and doesn’t pay much mind to tomorrow. A man cares about today, but builds for tomorrow. A boy has no or little regard for pursuing manhood, but may desire or even demand to be viewed as a man. A man is willing to work for his reputation. There are younger males who are men and older males who are boys; because manhood is related to age yes, but is so much more about character.
Manhood isn’t a fixed destination, it’s a path which has an appearance that varies somewhat from man to man, but every man walks on it throughout his life, on purpose. It’s key to be sure that he is intentionally walking in manhood and sees it’s importance. Don’t assume that there is a checklist by age for manhood, because there isn’t for the most part. People have different lives and different circumstances, making it so people grow differently. The point is however, that you need to be sure that he is growing and walking in manhood to some degree.
Has a High View of Your Body
He needs to view your body as precious and not something that is his to explore at will. Though he’s attracted to you, he should be happier for you to be covered up and your body and shape set away from his eyes pleasure. He should desire to know more about your personality, rather than your exterior and so shouldn’t casually touch or hold you you in unneutral areas of your body i.e. shoulders, arms, head, upper back, hands. Society would tell you otherwise, but there really is no need for a man who isn’t your husband, to touch you everywhere and anywhere on your body. There really is more restriction on your body than your vagina and breasts.
Is Hard Working In a Respectable Job or Academic Programme
Whether he’s a lawyer, a cleaner, a teacher, an athlete, a brain surgeon, an astronaut, a chef, a waiter, a sales rep, a builder, a care giver, or any other profession you can think of, see that he works hard at it and wouldn’t be fearful if Law Enforcement found out what he does. Also that he wouldn’t be convicted before the Lord regarding his place of work and his specific job there. If he’s studying, see that he takes his education seriously and works hard to perform well. He doesn’t have to be the smartest person ever or studying for a complex qualification; because marriage isn’t reserved for the extremely talented. Whatever we do we’re called to do it to the glory of God, so it’s important that he works hard at what he puts is hand to.
Has a Good Reputation
There are no ‘Christian Gangsters’, no ‘Holy Hard Men’. They’re men who were gangsters and were hard in their lives before Christ and even those who know how to carry themselves in certain arenas, but after coming Christ men change and become Christlike Christlike.
Watch for how people speak of him. Not everyone has to speak well of him, but if you keep running into people that speak badly of him regarding his life after coming to Christ, take a deeper look into that because something is wrong. There ought to be someone, somewhere that can speak well of him. If not, then he has either isolated himself which isn’t a good thing either, or he has a bad reputation. A good name is worth more than rubies and if you marry him, you will be under his name (Proverbs 22:1)