Fatherlessness is an epidemic that is terrorizing the homes of countless families today. Then in comes Father’s Day.
The concept of ‘father’ is so far off for a great number of people, because they’ve lived most of, or all of their life without their father. So then, this day, Father’s Day, that’s there to celebrate and honor fathers, is nothing short of strange and odd to them. One thing that can then happen as a result of this, is the person becomes drawn to the job of their mother who acts as a single parent and they can begin honoring and celebrating her for Father’s Day.
Mom Can Never Be Dad
Children need two parents. A male as father and a female as mother. Where that isn’t available, there is a disadvantage. Not a disadvantage from which no good fruit can come, or the only disadvantage a person can have in life; but fatherlessness (and motherlessness) is a disadvantage nonetheless. To celebrate Father’s Day by celebrating a mother is to imply that the role of a father can be played by a mother; when actually, it can’t. No matter how great of a mother a woman is, a mother cannot and will never be a father; primarily for the fact that she is not a male. There is a reason that God didn’t give two people of the same gender to be able to reproduce and instead made it only possible for a male and female.
This isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to not appreciate your mother just because it’s Father’s Day. It’s to say, that if you’re going to celebrate Father’s Day, don’t do it by celebrating your mother. Celebrate your mother just because, but don’t do it in the name of Father’s Day; because she’s not your father. She did more because your father was absent, but that just made her all the more of an amazing mother. It didn’t turn her into Dad. Don’t make Father’s Day about the absence of your father, by leveraging his slackness as the pedestal on which to exalt your mother. It isn’t ‘Remember How Much Your Father Hasn’t Done Day’. It’s Father’s Day. Let father’s be celebrated. If you don’t want to celebrate yours, then don’t; but don’t rain on the day with negativity.
Old Wounds
Father’s Day can tear open old wounds as it can pose as a very sharp reminder of the father that you lack. No one wants to be the person whose dad abandoned them, abused them, or was just a horrible father so much so, that Father’s Day is more easily seen as day of sorrow than joy. No one wants that and very few people (I dare say no one) would simply not care about the fact that their father wasn’t a loving dad. They may have gotten passed the hurt, but they’ll care.
Don’t be ashamed of those old wounds. Pain tells us something: 1) that we’re human and 2) that we have some unresolved problems. Neither of these are sin and both give us a reason to draw closer to God. It is a great thing to learn to “kiss the wave that throws you on the Rock of Ages”, as Charles Spurgeon said. When submitted to God, trials can produce in us greater godliness and therefore cause to come out of us, more fruit of the Spirit. Your fatherlessness is painful, it’s a sad story, but it’s also and more so, when submitted to God, an opportunity! When those old wounds are torn open, pray, study God’s Word, fellowship with other believers for encouragement and comfort. Don’t just sit in the pain; but use it. Realize the potential in this trial, rather than letting it consume you. Easier said than done, but so much better done that said.
Learn about what it means to be a good father or how to encourage it in someone else. Grow in your understanding of God’s design for the family. See the need that your own father has for prayer (if he lives), (Luke 6:28); knowing that sin is the root cause of men not playing their role as fathers.
As crazy as it sounds, there is much to be gained from the position of a person who lacked a loving father in their life. Through pain, through tears, through confusion yes; but still much to be gained. Fatherless is not a judgement, it’s a path. It’s not a destination, it’s the context of a journey. There are many riches along this path and on this journey. They may require greater strength to dig up, involve more dirt and cause a person to be more vulnerable to certain attacks than other paths but the riches are still there. Let’s take them!
As I can imagine John Piper saying, “don’t waste your fatherlessness”.
John Piper is a great Christian teacher who wrote a book called ‘Don’t Waste Your Life’. I highly recommend the book (which has a study guide that can be purchased separately). Also, read this phenomenal article that he wrote called ‘Don’t Waste Your Cancer’, following his prostate surgery.
THROUGH A GLASS 